Pain!

The pain is horrible tonight.  It’s been pretty bad for the last couple of days and tonight it’s quickly becoming unbearable.  It still kills me every day that I can’t remember what it feels like to not be in pain.  If I would have known at 9 years old that my world was about to change forever, I would have done so much more.  I guess that’s pretty much everyone else’s story too.  At 10 years old my whole world turned upside down.  I went to bed one night being a healthy and extremely active kid and seemingly woke up with pain and frustration.  I really thought it was just the pain for a long time, but looking back now I also had horrible insomnia and anxiety.  It’s pretty obvious why pain, insomnia and anxiety travel together.  When you put them all in a 10 year old, they become a nightmare.  That’s a nightmare I’m still waiting to wake up from 22 years later.

It’s life-changing to the least, but regardless this is still my life and I’m going to continue living it the best way I know how.  The first time I typed the last sentence I left out two words. I’m doing that more and more.  Maybe I need to stop writing when I’m in a flare and the fibro fog is bad.  Don’t get me started on fibro fog.  The last few days I have felt absolutely crazy.  It’s frustrating!  I left out another word.  I should at least get credit for catching it, but it makes me wonder how many times I don’t catch it.  Oh well that’s a whole different story.  I’ll get into that when I can actually think and have a memory span longer than a goldfish.

I hope everyone had an awesome day or night depending on where you’re at.  Gentle hugs and lots of love.