What Would You Do If You Didn't Have Fibromyalgia?

I’ve had Fibromyalgia for at least 25 years and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to not have it.  Can you imagine the freeness of having no pain?  I think about all the things I would do.  I’m pretty sure I would get myself into a lot of trouble!  It would be fun to just be normal.  Well, there’s no part of me that has ever been normal, but you know what I mean.  Maybe the word healthy would fit better there.

I try not to get down and do the whole “why me?” thing.  I know it could be so much worse, but every now and then I can’t help but have a pity party.  It’s exhausting living in a chronically ill body.  The simple things are difficult to do and the difficult things are almost impossible to do.  Some days they are impossible to do.  My brain has all these ideas of what needs to be done, but my body does not always agree.  It’s frustrating not being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it. 

Every day I fight to do as much as I possibly can.  Some days I succeed and sometimes I don’t.  I’ve learned to accept that for the most part, but it still hurts and the guilt doesn’t go away.  It’s hard to handle feeling guilty for something you have no control over, but it’s all part of Fibromyalgia.  Healthy folks have no idea what that feels like.  It can make you miserable if you let it.  Don’t let it.

What are some of the things you would like to do if you didn’t have Fibromyalgia?  I would go dancing all the time, play sports (I love softball, volleyball and basketball.) and my house would be spotless all the time!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day/night.  Gentle hugs and lots of love! 

Fibromyalgia and Brain Fog

I’ve said many times that Fibromyalgia is so much more than chronic pain, and I still agree with that.  What hurts me the most is the brain fog.  That’s what makes me feel like less of a person…less like me.  I’m a writer who now doesn’t feel like a writer, because on most days I can’t think.  Not being able to construct a complete sentence or find the right words, makes it almost impossible to write anything.  It frustrates me, because all I’ve ever wanted to do is write…about anything and everything.  I had a few dreams along with writing, but when I realized that the pain was never going to go away, writing became my safe place.  I thought that no matter how my body failed me that I would still be able to write.  I didn’t know that I was going to have to fight to keep that too. 

There was a point I just wanted to give up, but I realized that if I did I would completely lose the person I used to be.  I’m not ready to do that.  I’ll never be ready to do that.  So I’ve began to take steps to help me handle the brain fog.  I try to exercise my brain as much as possible by reading and writing even when I don’t feel like I comprehend properly or even if what I’m writing makes no sense at all.  I’ve found that if I keep at it, it starts to get a little easier.  I’m able to eventually retain some of what I’m reading and my writing begins to flow more smoothly.  I also try to exercise every day, even if it’s just a little walk.  It helps me think more clearly and overall it makes me feel better.

I hope that I continue to learn more ways to help with the brain fog.  I’ve learned to live with the pain, but I can’t live with losing who I am.  How do you handle the brain fog?