I have Fibromyalgia.
Of course that’s no surprise to those of you who actually read my insane
ramblings, but to some members of my family it’s the biggest joke they have
ever heard. They seem to think that I’m
just a depressed, lazy chick who is scared of the world and if I would just
push myself then I would magically be cured.
Now why didn’t I think of that? I’ve
had chronic pain and a whole host of other symptoms since I was 10 and to think
it can all be cured by just pushing myself a little harder.
If this sounds angry, I apologize because I try really
hard not to let these kind of things get to me, but sometimes I just need to
let things out so that I can let them go.
Those people who don’t think Fibromyalgia is real or those that think it’s
not that bad are just ignorant. I know
that’s a harsh word, but damn our battle is hard enough without having to hear
this retarded crap all the time.
The thing I hate the most is being called lazy. Like I’ve said before in other posts, I wish
I was lazy because then I wouldn’t care when I have to refrain from a “normal”
life. I could be happy sitting on my ass
all day. I hate that I can’t work a
regular job. I hate that I can’t hang
out with my friends near as much as I used to and I hate that when I do I have
to worry about how long I’m going to be gone, if I’m wearing comfortable
clothes and which meds I need to take with me.
I hate the days I can’t drive. I
hate barely having enough energy to dress myself after I take a shower. I hate being sick, but most of all I hate
being ridiculed because I’m sick.
No one chooses to be sick and no one chooses to give up a
life that they were perfectly happy with in return for a lifetime of pain,
extreme fatigue, nausea, lack of sleep, sensitivities to everything, muscle
spasms and the list goes on and on.
Someday the world is going to know what Fibromyalgia is
and how bad it is, but the relationships with some people in my life will be
too damaged to repair. If they can’t
support me now, then I won’t want their support when they finally get the proof
they need.
I’m a fighter and I’m a survivor and it’s because I do have
people in my life who understand that I’m sick and support me a 100%. I’m so thankful for them, because if it wasn’t
for them and my faith I wouldn’t be here.
I would have given up before I even got my diagnosis. I’m glad I didn’t give up, because I still
have a lot of life to live even though it’s not the life some people think I should
be living.
That’s just my thought for the night. Hope everyone is as pain-free as possible.
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