I Can't Always Be Strong

A couple days ago I was in a really bad place.  It's been a while actually since I had the thoughts that I did that day.  We all know how it feels when the pain is hurting way too much and for way too long.  It changes us.  It changes the way we think and the way we act.  It changes everything.  When I was in a dark place that day I wrote this.  It's not the way I feel all the time, but I can't always be strong.

It’s so hard to keep fighting when it all seems to be in vain.  My body’s broken and feels as if it’s already been slain.  Why am I still here, trapped behind this slamming door?  There’s nothing left for me to do here anymore.  I just want to run away.  I have to run away from the pain, but no matter how hard I try it follows me everywhere.  I feel there’s nothing more for me to gain.  It won’t be long before I go insane. This monster exists in my reality and follows me into my dreams. All I ask for is a moment of peace, but I know that I’ll never know what it feels like to feel no pain.  I wish I could remember what it felt like to be free.  I wish I could remember what it felt like just to be me.  The pain is relentless…I live it, breathe it and dream it. I’m trapped in a broken body-a prisoner, with no hope of release.

This might eventually turn into something a little more put together.  This is just an extreme rough draft of my thoughts and feelings.  I hope everyone is having a good day despite the pain. *Gentle Hugs*


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