Smiling Through the Pain

The pain is annoying as hell right now, but I’m happy to announce that I still have a smile on my face.  I love when I’m strong enough to smile through the pain and I despise when I let the pain get the best of me.  By tonight I’ll be in that situation.  I’ll be exhausted and too frustrated to deal with the pain anymore.  I’ll get mad and I’ll probably cry, but I know that if I’m blessed with another day then when the morning comes I’ll be strong enough to do it all over again.  This isn’t the best life, but it’s mine and even though my illnesses totally suck I’m still able to live and I can’t ask for more.  Anything past living is a special bonus and I’ve learned to take nothing for granted. 

I used to say that I’m not living…I’m just surviving.  Some days that’s still true, but things have changed and I’m starting to feel like I have a place in this world again.  I have a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally, I have friends and family who are slowly starting to accept and understand my illness and I’m getting that “I want to conquer the world” feeling back.  Support and understanding changes everything in the life of someone with a chronic illness. 

Anyways I think I have rambled on enough.  I hope everyone is having an awesome day.  Gentle hugs and lots of love.

Fighting that Feeling of Defeat

Life has been slightly more difficult lately, not bad, just difficult.  The illnesses have gained up on me and the fatigue and pain is overwhelming at times.  I’m close to feeling defeated, but I keep fighting.  No matter how tired I am I try to accomplish something.  It helps keep that feeling of defeat at bay for a little while longer.

I have so much I need to do, but my body feels heavy and my muscles are so tight that I’m afraid to sneeze because it hurts like hell.  All day today I’ve tried to put as many positive thoughts in my head as possible, because I have to keep my mind strong, because my body is struggling.

I’ve felt like I’ve been in this slump for way too long, but I think back to this time last year and I was feeling about the same way.  There always seems to be a strange pattern with illnesses like Fibromyalgia.  I understand it a little more now, but so much of it is still a mystery.  That’s what makes it so hard to deal with.  I’m the type of person who wants to know details about how things function and how things work.  I’m the same way with my illnesses, especially Fibro.  There are so many questions that have no answers.  That alone drives me crazy and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.

I’m probably rambling at this point.  I’m surprised I can compose a complete sentence.  I hope all of you are as well as possible.  If you’re not and want to rant about it then please feel free to do so here.  Sometimes you just have to cry, yell and scream to feel better.  There’s no shame in that.

Gentle Hugs and Lots of Love!