Horrible Night

These words, excruciating pain, heartbreak, fear, hopeless and helpless, and a few more explicit ones can be used to describe the night I had last night.  I’ve been sick for a long time and last night was the first time in a very long time that I had new pain.   Since it was a new, extremely intense pain I couldn’t relax so that caused me to have really bad muscle spasms, which made the pain worse and all this basically made me totally flip out.  I had a few anxiety attacks and my blood pressure got extremely high.  I really should have went to the emergency room, but by the time it got really bad I was so miserable and pissed off that I was afraid I would tell off or beat up a doctor or nurse before it was all over.

Anyways the point of this story is that even though I wanted to die last night, I survived.  I’m stronger now and hopefully I won’t have to test out my new found strength tonight.  I just want to sleep!  If any of you have any tips for getting through really bad pain nights/days please share them.  I rely mainly on music and various distractions like my really sweet boyfriend who always tries to talk me through it…sometimes nothing seems to help though.

I hope everyone is having a good day/night.  Gentle hugs and lots of love!

Always Strong Enough

Just when I think I'm not strong enough to get through the pain it seems like more strength comes out of nowhere. All I can say is that I'm truly blessed like that because nothing else can explain it. It's been over 2 years since this excruciating pain has knocked me to my knees over and over again. I had pain before and I still have that pain but it's nothing compared to this pain that hits me at the worst times ever. I've said it before and I feel it's worth saying again...I never understood why those with illnesses like Fibromyalgia chose to give up. I do now and that's the scariest realization I've ever had. If you are newly diagnosed with an illness like Fibro or if your symptoms have just started prepare yourself now because it will get worse. Save your strength, reduce your stress as much as possible and build a support system now because you might think your strong enough to handle it but when the really bad pain hits it changes you and it changes the way you think. Fibromyalgia as a whole changes you, and no matter how hard it gets I still believe it's for the best.

I hope everyone is having a good day/night. Gentle hugs and lots of love!