Insomnia and Pain

The frustrating combination of insomnia and pain has me in a really bad mood today.  I think I may have gotten at least 4 hours of sleep, but of course those 4 hours were filled with crazy, stressful dreams.  I feel like a zombie and I have so much to do today, which includes keeping up with my writing.  Writing while mentally and physically exhausted is difficult to say the least.  The words just disappear and the black wall goes up.  I think it took me 3 minutes just to write those two sentences.

Days like this make me despise being sick and make me angry to think of all the people who don’t believe Fibromyalgia is a real illness.  We struggle every day just to try and live a life that is considered normal, while so many people think we’re taking the easy way out.  Living with any chronic illness is NOT easy and it doesn’t give us an “excuse” to be lazy because when you have a chronic illness, most of the time, you don’t feel well enough to be lazy.  Most of the time there is no comfortable and there is no rest.  It’s just a vicious cycle of pain, exhaustion and frustration.

Sometimes I wish my life was a little easier and that I could be a little more “normal”, but this fight has made me strong.  That strength is why I got out of bed this morning and why I’ll I get everything done that I need to do today even though I know tonight may be another frustrating night of pain and sleeplessness.  I’ll keep on keeping on, because that’s what I do and I hope all of you are able to do the same.

I hope everyone is having a good day/night.  *Gentle Hugs and Lots of Love*

My Handy Dandy Heating Pad...What Can You Not Live Without?

My pain started when I was 10 years old and ice was always my choice to relieve the pain.  I had at least 10 ice packs at all times. I hated heat and the way it made me feel.  Ice just seemed more soothing.  It wasn’t until my pain levels increased by 10 that I started turning to a heating pad for relief.  One night after hours of pain, I was desperate to make it stop so I tried the heating pad and it has saved my life.  I still don’t like the way it makes me feel because I do have a heat intolerance, but as long as the AC is on I can handle it and it does make the pain a little more bearable. 

If I know I’m going to be away from home for an extended period of time I always make sure I take my heating pad just in case.  Comfort is a necessity when you have a chronic illness. I will go out in my pajamas with a bag full of my medications, extra clothes, heating pad and whatever else I may need to get through the day, and I will have absolutely no shame in doing so, because all that matters is I’m still functioning and even more so I’m still living.

What can you not live without?

The Fight to be "Normal"

I have managed to take a shower and get dressed before 3, which leaves me with 3 whole hours to clean and do laundry before the boyfriend gets home.  I think today may be a good day!  I don’t know that if this would have happened if I wasn't expecting company this evening, but I’m still getting things done either way.

This is something only the chronically ill would understand.  It’s the everyday fight to function like a “normal” person.  To a “normal” person, this seems like laziness and to tell you the truth I fight not to feel this way myself.  It’s hard, even devastating, to live in a body that can no longer do what you need it to do.  We've all heard that annoying phrase, “You just have to push yourself a little harder”.  We begin pushing ourselves the minute we get out of bed just to do what’s considered “normal”.  We get to the point where there’s absolutely no “push” left.  That’s just how it is.

Even though I know I’ll never be, I still strive to be “normal”, because I want to fit it and feel like a productive person.  I despise days I have to stay in bed.  I despise a lot of things about being sick, but I won’t give up.  Normal or not, this is me and I’m not only going to fight and survive, I’m going to live.

Fibromyalgia Basics

As many as 12 million Americans suffer from a pain no one else can see. They are called lazy and sometimes crazy because no one understands what they are going through. It’s overwhelming and very lonely. It’s Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is a chronic arthritis-related syndrome and while it affects a lot more, only 3.7 million Americans have been diagnosed with the condition. Unlike arthritis, Fibromyalgia affects the muscles and ligaments, not the joints. Fibromyalgia has also been referred to as fibrositis, chronic muscle pain syndrome, psychogenic rheumatism, tension myalgias, fibromyositis and myofacial pain syndrome. 

The symptoms of Fibromyalgia are multiple tender points on the neck, shoulders, sternum, lower back, hips, shins, elbows and knees, fatigue, sleep disturbances, body aches, reduced exercise tolerance, chronic facial muscle pain or aching. Other symptoms may include headaches, irritable bowel or bladder, temporomandibular joint disorder, pelvic pain, noise sensitivity, temperature sensitivity, restless leg syndrome, depression, anxiety, numbness or tingling sensations in hands and feet, difficulty concentrating, mood changes, chest pain, dry eyes, skin and mouth, painful menstrual periods, dizziness and anxiety.

It can take up to five years for a Fibromyalgia diagnosis to be made because it is so misunderstood and there are no tests that can diagnose it. There are 18 tender point sites on the body and a diagnosis is based on having at least 11 of these tender points. The tender points are located in the neck, shoulders, chest, rib cage, lower back, thighs, knees, arms/elbows and buttocks. Tests are done to rule out similar conditions such as Ankylosing spondylitis, Lupus, Carpal tunnel Syndrome, Multiple Sclerosis, Polymyalgia rheumatica and Restless Legs syndrome.

Fibromyalgia affects more women than men and usually develops during early to middle adulthood. If you have a family history of Fibromyalgia or if you have a rheumatic disease such as Lupus or Rheumatoid arthritis then there is a higher risk for developing Fibromyalgia. Other possible causes include sleep disturbances, injury, infection, abnormalities of the autonomic nervous system and changes in muscle metabolism. Ninety percent of Fibromyalgia patients have severe fatigue and sleep disorders.

Inspirational Quotes

We all need a little inspiration sometimes. I know I definitely do. Here are a few of my favorite inspirational quotes.

 

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.
Leon J. Suenes

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

Fortune favors the brave.
Publius Terence

He who hesitates is lost.
Proverb

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

For hope is but the dream
of those that wake.
Matthew Prior

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau

All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.
T.E. Lawrence

I Can't Blame the Fibro!

Holy hell I haven’t been here in a while!  I’m so ashamed!  I could blame it on the Fibro, but deep down I’d know I’d be lying.  I can make all the excuses in the world, but none of them would justify my lack of writing over the last few months.  I’ve decided that I’m going to stop complaining and feeling bad for not writing and just start writing again.  So the next few days I’m going to write about anything and everything just to get myself back to the writing mentality I used to have.  Writing is my life and I haven’t been living.  It’s been like my brain got stuck in the off position and every time I thought about writing all I could see was a black wall of nothing.  Maybe the pain is part of the reason, but not the whole reason by any means.  You can’t fulfill your dreams by sitting on your butt, watching a million episodes of Law & Order.  All that gets you is a sore butt and wicked nightmares…really wicked nightmares!

I hope everyone is as pain free as possible. Gentle hugs and lots of love!

Living with Limitations

I didn’t do everything I wanted to do today, but I did do something.  I’ve learned to let go of the disappointment in myself when I can’t do everything and appreciate that I was able to get out of bed and do something no matter how small.  People may look at me on days like this and assume I’m lazy, but because I know what I have to live with every day, I know that this is one more day that I didn’t give up and that’s all that matters to me. 

Learning to live with limitations is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I don’t feel that I’ll ever fully accept it, but I’m trying.  I still have days I feel sorry for myself and then I get mad at myself for feeling that way.  I still have days I cry because I don’t remember what it feels like to not be sick and I still have days I just want to hide from the world.  Despite those days I keep on keeping on.  That’s all any of us can do…Keep living and keep fighting.

The pain is really bad right now so I’m going to go cuddle with my heating pad.  I hope everyone is having a good day/night. Gentle hugs and lots of love.