Insomnia and Pain

The frustrating combination of insomnia and pain has me in a really bad mood today.  I think I may have gotten at least 4 hours of sleep, but of course those 4 hours were filled with crazy, stressful dreams.  I feel like a zombie and I have so much to do today, which includes keeping up with my writing.  Writing while mentally and physically exhausted is difficult to say the least.  The words just disappear and the black wall goes up.  I think it took me 3 minutes just to write those two sentences.

Days like this make me despise being sick and make me angry to think of all the people who don’t believe Fibromyalgia is a real illness.  We struggle every day just to try and live a life that is considered normal, while so many people think we’re taking the easy way out.  Living with any chronic illness is NOT easy and it doesn’t give us an “excuse” to be lazy because when you have a chronic illness, most of the time, you don’t feel well enough to be lazy.  Most of the time there is no comfortable and there is no rest.  It’s just a vicious cycle of pain, exhaustion and frustration.

Sometimes I wish my life was a little easier and that I could be a little more “normal”, but this fight has made me strong.  That strength is why I got out of bed this morning and why I’ll I get everything done that I need to do today even though I know tonight may be another frustrating night of pain and sleeplessness.  I’ll keep on keeping on, because that’s what I do and I hope all of you are able to do the same.

I hope everyone is having a good day/night.  *Gentle Hugs and Lots of Love*

My Handy Dandy Heating Pad...What Can You Not Live Without?

My pain started when I was 10 years old and ice was always my choice to relieve the pain.  I had at least 10 ice packs at all times. I hated heat and the way it made me feel.  Ice just seemed more soothing.  It wasn’t until my pain levels increased by 10 that I started turning to a heating pad for relief.  One night after hours of pain, I was desperate to make it stop so I tried the heating pad and it has saved my life.  I still don’t like the way it makes me feel because I do have a heat intolerance, but as long as the AC is on I can handle it and it does make the pain a little more bearable. 

If I know I’m going to be away from home for an extended period of time I always make sure I take my heating pad just in case.  Comfort is a necessity when you have a chronic illness. I will go out in my pajamas with a bag full of my medications, extra clothes, heating pad and whatever else I may need to get through the day, and I will have absolutely no shame in doing so, because all that matters is I’m still functioning and even more so I’m still living.

What can you not live without?

The Fight to be "Normal"

I have managed to take a shower and get dressed before 3, which leaves me with 3 whole hours to clean and do laundry before the boyfriend gets home.  I think today may be a good day!  I don’t know that if this would have happened if I wasn't expecting company this evening, but I’m still getting things done either way.

This is something only the chronically ill would understand.  It’s the everyday fight to function like a “normal” person.  To a “normal” person, this seems like laziness and to tell you the truth I fight not to feel this way myself.  It’s hard, even devastating, to live in a body that can no longer do what you need it to do.  We've all heard that annoying phrase, “You just have to push yourself a little harder”.  We begin pushing ourselves the minute we get out of bed just to do what’s considered “normal”.  We get to the point where there’s absolutely no “push” left.  That’s just how it is.

Even though I know I’ll never be, I still strive to be “normal”, because I want to fit it and feel like a productive person.  I despise days I have to stay in bed.  I despise a lot of things about being sick, but I won’t give up.  Normal or not, this is me and I’m not only going to fight and survive, I’m going to live.